


Who Needs Enemies?

by EmmaWasRight



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers Tower, Domestic Avengers, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-26
Updated: 2015-11-26
Packaged: 2018-05-03 11:05:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5288354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmmaWasRight/pseuds/EmmaWasRight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when you live in the same building as a duct crawling, prankster archer? You team up with the biggest troll in the tower - Captain Spangly Pants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who Needs Enemies?

Clint was a shit disturber, there was no other way to put it. He loved hiding in the vents and eavesdropping on Darcy’s private conversations and dropping secret “tidbits” he had overheard in their public conversations. 

Darcy had had enough. Revenge was in order.

The first attempt was a failure. She wanted to graffiti his bow with “Falcon rules – Pidgeon face drools” but it was impossible to get to it. Next, she had decided to sew his boxer shorts shut, but it turns out he went commando. Itching powder in his workout clothes was too pedestrian for her – not that she didn’t do it, she just didn’t correct Clint when he accused Tony. She needed to come up with something epic to get back at that little fucker. She needed to bring in reinforcements, and she knew exactly who to ask. 

Steve Rogers aka Captain America aka the biggest troll she had ever known. Most people thought that Steve was like his propaganda, straight laced and apple pie, she was pretty sure some nutjobs online thought angels sang whenever he farted. Those people were absolutely wrong, Steve was devious, he could swear a blue streak a mile wide, and apparently one of the super special skills he picked up in the army was being an ass cravat. He knew he could get away with anything by flashing a half smile, winking and using his all-American charm to claim innocence. 

Darcy didn’t buy his shtick. She saw through it the first time he tried to pull the wool over her eyes when he lied about stealing the last pop tart. For his part Steve enjoyed having someone who saw him for who he was and not for who they thought he was. They had fallen into an easy friendship and spent their time together watching movies, going to museums, and just enjoying each other’s company. 

Darcy felt she knew Steve well enough to know that he would be completely onboard with her plan. That didn’t stop her from having a plan to butter him up. She was just taking out a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies when he walked into her apartment and settled himself in at her kitchen counter.

“Why hello Steven, please make yourself at home. Don’t knock whatever you do” Darcy snarked

“Aw, don’t give me that doll. You know I have Jarvis tell me whenever you’re baking.” Steve said as he reached for a cookie, earning a slap on his hand for his troubles.

“Remind me to have a talking to with Jarvis. That is an incredible invasion of my privacy and I will absolutely not stand for it.” Darcy said with mock indignation. Jarvis had consulted her before instituting the cookie protocol. “These were made for a very special reason Steve Rogers, and I will not have you grabbing at them with your grubby paws.”

“That is just about the most hurtful thing you have ever said to me Darcy. My hands are many things, strong, virile and talented yes, but not grubby.” Steve’s look of outrage was so priceless Darcy wished she had taken a picture. “Who are these ‘special’ cookies for that you won’t let me have them?”

“I never said you couldn’t have any, but these cookies come with a caveat. You can have them if you agree to help me.” Darcy leaned over the counter and did her best to seem enticing. 

“Help you do what?”

“Help me get reveng-“

“I’m in.”

“Jesus Steve, you didn’t even let me finish my sentence, don’t you know who I want revenge on. Don’t you think that might influence your answer?”

Steve had already grabbed 2 cookies at this point and spoke with his mouth full “I figure you either want to prank Tony, Sam or Clint. I’m good with any of those, although I’m hoping its Clint because I owe him one.”

“It is – but what did he ever do to you?” Darcy was surprised she hadn’t heard of anything.

“That douche canoe photoshopped a picture of me sleeping with a Bucky bear while wearing Iron Man footsie pyjamas and found a way to make the background picture on all of the Avenger’s StarkPhones. Tony has been bugging me ever since.”

“Oh.My.God. Firstly, nice use of douche canoe. Secondly, I need that picture, I need it printed, I need it on mugs, I need it on a t-shirt, and I really need a pair of Iron Man footsy pyjamas.” Darcy was rubbing her hands together in glee. 

“You keep that up and I’ll team up with him and his computer skills.”

“Now that is just cruel.”

“Hey, I’m not going to pull my punches just ‘cause we’re friends.”

“And that my dear Captain is exactly what I am counting on. I really need to take that archer down a peg and get him to stop hanging out in my ducts.”

“Have you tried rat traps?” Darcy choked on her cookie, she hadn’t been expecting that answer. 

“I hadn’t even thought of them. See, this is why I need that devious mind of yours. I’m just such an angel that I don’t think that way." Darcy winked " Milk?”. 

\-----

Up in the ceilings Clint was laughing to himself. This was going to be fun. He was more than ready to go head to head with the dynamic duo. First things first he had a t-shirt to make up. Secondly he had to tell Tash. Scratch that, he should probably do that in reverse order. Tash might want a t-shirt as well.


End file.
